fat kids. kids fat. the synopsis of my week.

what a week.

let's start by saying that i lost 2 pounds. i think i actually lost more than that, but by weigh-in today, i was carrying around some water weight. need i say more? i think you can figure it out.
i ate much better, took my vitamins every day, and exercised 4 times. so not bad. i hope to exercise at least 5 times next week, and maybe lose about 3 pounds. how are those for some concrete goals? i hope, and maybe...can you say commitment-phobe?

on to kids. well, one kid in particular. what can i say? i feel as though my eldest child was put on this earth to make me pay for every bad thing i've ever done. being her mother is by far the most difficult experience of my life. BY FAR. every day brings new, and even more exasperating, old challenges. rules? she spits on the stinkin' rules. responsibility? a sign of weakness. respect for others and their things? she tried it once, and she didn't like it.
she continually makes me shake my head in shock and wonder. i just can not imagine a person could be so obstinate across so many areas. yet, every day we start again. every day, i wonder what is "wrong" with her. and every day, i wonder what is wrong with me.
why can't i parent this child? why can't i reach her? there just aren't words for the overwhelming sense of failure i feel in this area. it hovers over the rest of my life.
pscychologists, doctors, teachers...they can sympathize, but that's about it. my family doesn't live nearby, and my friends have their hands full, too.
so, it's me against her. and she's kicking my ass.